Nothing spells world peace like a firm handshake between a blood-crazed military dictator who tortures children for the political crimes of their parents and appears to have ordered the execution of his own family members, with a 6 time bankrupt, draft dodging reality TV host who recently paid off a porn star and later referred to Nazis as “good people”.
America’s closest allies – Russia, Saudi Arabia, the not particularly Democratic Republic of North Korea and the mysterious African principality of Nambia, have all hailed this historic accord as the greatest contribution to peace in our time since North Korea last signed nuclear non-proliferation agreements in 1985, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2016; historic agreements to halt nuclear testing in 1999, 2011 and 2015; together with the long forgotten historic agreement of 2000 to finally reunify North and South Korea, which won the magnificent, gleaming Nobel Peace Prize that many Republicans do not seem to be even vaguely aware about.
Just to ensure that the world took these negotiations seriously the President had the entire process vetted by Dennis Rodman.
The President’s daughter, who appears to be the reason North America have put detailed instructions on the back of shampoo bottles, has honoured her father’s commitment to the Nobel Prize winning peace process by misquoting an imaginary Chinese philosopher.
Confucious say, “You no buy class – same, same, but different.”
Canada, who must never again be relied upon by the Supreme Leader of the Free World, President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, has been critical of this practice of negotiating with backward, feudal, militaristic despots. “Kim should be thoroughly ashamed of himself,” quipped Prime Ministerial heartthrob Justin Trudeau, magnificently attired in tailored blue suit with matching brown suede wingtips. He was later caught taunting nervous American consumers with a full case of maple syrup.
The Republic of Singapore’s air force have celebrated the orange President’s efforts with a gigantic yet somewhat unconvincing swoop-over.
Finally peace in the Korean region has been enabled by the country that annihilated some 2 million North Koreans in the early 50’s, napalmed Vietnam, obliterated Cambodian villages and has been at war for 222 years of its 239 year existence. The world’s security has been guaranteed by getting rid of that one fairly wobbly North Korean missile by the country that holds the ability to destroy the planet earth an estimated 174 times over, assassinated democratically elected leaders and blatantly stole Hawaii.
No more nuclear missiles will be tested for the next few months at least, in the North Korean missile testing facility that had recently imploded prior to negotiations – thereby ending any possibility of launching anything until it was repaired.