Thai Cave Footballers: A Race Against Time

An international team of divers, cave specialists and paramedics have combined with the Thai Army to ensure that 12 young Thai footballers are extracted from the intricate cave complex in which they are stranded and placed straight back into the squalid slum where they belong.

“We won’t rest until these boys get back the life of misery and unrelenting poverty that they deserve. Not a single Thai baht will be spared so that these emaciated footballers can be returned to the rat-infested alleys where they grew up, along side the other malnourished and lightly clothed children” said Police Chief Choonalongkorn, enjoying a brief respite from his normal duties of extracting cash from foreign drivers through imaginary traffic fines, organizing the prostitution industry, pressuring bar owners for protection money or failing to adequately investigate the deaths of over 60 U.K. tourists in a little over three years.

“Our hopes are that these boys can return to their normal lives, go back to school and become bar pimps, snack bar chefs or Tuk Tuk drivers,” added the Police Chief who is directing an extensive pumping operation, the cost of which could feed an entire suburb of Bangkok for well over a month.

Police Chief Choonalongkorn has indicated that with luck the boys can be extracted before the seasonal Monsoon rains which would end any hopes of squeezing more aid from the various NGO’s involved.

According to press reports the rescue team that found the boys were British, Australian, or Thai, depending on which nationality the journalists are that you speak to.

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